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A Parent's Guide to Nurturing Calm and Resilience
In today's fast-paced world, children are exposed to various stressors that can impact their emotional wellbeing – be it a disagreement with a friend, coping with bullying, changes in family dynamics like divorce, or moving to a new home or school. As a parent, you naturally want to equip your child with the tools they need to navigate these challenges confidently. One powerful way to do this is by introducing them to relaxing coping strategies that focus on calming the nervous system through mindfulness activities.
What Are Relaxing Healthy Coping Strategies?
Relaxing coping strategies are techniques that help children (and adults) calm their nervous system when they are feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or anxious. Unlike active coping strategies, which engage the body in physical movement, relaxing strategies centre on mindfulness and deep relaxation to promote a sense of peace and control. These strategies work by shifting the body out of a heightened state of alertness, often referred to as the “fight or flight” response, and into a more relaxed and balanced state.
At the core of these strategies is the activation of the parasympathetic nervous system, the body's "rest and digest" mechanism. When activated, this system counters the effects of the sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the stress response, commonly known as “fight or flight”. While the sympathetic system is crucial in situations of real danger, too much time spent in this heightened state can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and other mental health challenges.
When a child practices relaxation techniques, they learn to shift from a state of heightened alertness to one of calm and restfulness.
How Relaxing Strategies Benefit Children
Children, just like adults, can experience overwhelming emotions. For example, a child who is bullied at school or who struggles with a big change like parental divorce may experience prolonged periods of stress. Relaxing coping strategies provide tools to help them manage these emotions effectively, avoiding feelings of helplessness or panic.
Some of the psychological benefits include:
Emotional Regulation: These strategies help children learn to manage intense emotions in the moment, preventing them from escalating into bigger issues like anxiety or anger. Over time, they develop the skill to stay calm in stressful situations.
Decreased Anxiety and Stress: Regular use of relaxing coping strategies helps lower cortisol levels (the stress hormone) and creates a buffer against anxiety.
Improved Focus and Mental Clarity: Relaxation can improve cognitive function, making it easier for children to concentrate, solve problems, and think clearly.
Better Sleep: Relaxation techniques before bedtime help children unwind, allowing for more restful sleep, which is vital for their overall wellbeing.
The Science Behind Relaxation and the Nervous System
To appreciate the effectiveness of relaxing coping strategies, it's essential to understand the roles of the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems.
Sympathetic Nervous System: Often referred to as the "fight or flight" system, this system prepares the body to respond to perceived threats by increasing heart rate, elevating blood pressure, and releasing stress hormones like cortisol.
Parasympathetic Nervous System: Known as the "rest and digest" system, this system promotes relaxation by slowing the heart rate, reducing blood pressure, and facilitating digestion.
When children spend excessive time in a sympathetic state due to ongoing stress or anxiety, it can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion. By engaging the parasympathetic nervous system through relaxing coping strategies, children can return to a balanced state where they feel safe and calm.
Real-Life Examples of Relaxing Coping Strategies
Let's explore how these strategies can positively impact common situations faced by children:
A Disagreement with a Friend:
Technique: Deep Breathing Exercises
Application: Encourage your child to take slow, deep breaths – inhaling through the nose for a count of four, holding for four, and exhaling through the mouth for six. This practice can reduce immediate feelings of anger or frustration, allowing them to approach the situation more calmly.
Coping with Bullying:
Technique: Guided Imagery
Application: Help your child visualise a safe, peaceful place where they feel happy and secure. This mental escape can provide comfort and reduce anxiety associated with bullying experiences.
Family Changes like Divorce:
Technique: Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Application: Guide your child through tensing and then relaxing different muscle groups in their body. This helps release physical tension linked to emotional stress, promoting a sense of relaxation.
Moving to a New House or School:
Technique: Mindful Journaling
Application: Encourage your child to write or draw about their feelings and thoughts regarding the move. This process helps them process emotions and can reduce feelings of uncertainty or fear.
Psychological Mechanisms Behind Relaxing Strategies
The main goal of relaxing coping strategies is to engage the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes a sense of calm and balance. In stressful situations, our bodies are often dominated by the sympathetic nervous system, which triggers the “fight or flight” response. While this response is essential for survival, prolonged activation can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and even physical health problems, such as headaches.
By intentionally shifting to the parasympathetic nervous system, relaxing coping strategies help counteract these negative effects. Deep breathing, for example, signals to the body that it is safe, slowing down the heart rate and reducing blood pressure. Over time, the regular practice of these strategies can train the brain to recover more quickly from stressful events and return to a state of calm more easily.
Long-Term Benefits of Relaxing Coping Strategies
Incorporating relaxing coping strategies into your child's routine offers several enduring advantages:
1. Resilience: Children who learn how to calm themselves during stressful moments build emotional resilience. This means they’re better equipped to bounce back from challenges and handle future stressors in a healthier way.
2. Enhanced Emotional Intelligence: Relaxing strategies foster self-awareness and emotional intelligence by teaching children to notice their feelings and bodily sensations without judgment. This skill helps them navigate complex emotional experiences as they grow older.
3. Stronger Relationships: Children who manage their stress and emotions effectively are more likely to engage in healthy relationships. They’re better at handling conflicts with peers and family members, as they can remain calm and think clearly even when tensions are high.
4. Improved Academic Performance: By reducing stress and promoting better focus, relaxing strategies can lead to improved academic outcomes. Children who are not overwhelmed by anxiety are more likely to engage in learning and perform better in school.
Practical Tips for Parents
Here are some actionable steps you can take to introduce relaxing coping strategies to your child:
Create a Calm Environment:
Set Up a Relaxation Space: Designate a quiet, comfortable area in your home where your child can practice relaxation techniques without distractions.
Use Soothing Elements: Incorporate soft lighting, calming scents like lavender, or gentle music to enhance the relaxing atmosphere.
Introduce Mindfulness Practices:
Guided Meditations: Use age-appropriate meditation apps or online resources to lead your child through short mindfulness sessions (refer Additional Resources at the end of the article).
Mindful Breathing Exercises: Practice simple breathing techniques together, making it a fun and engaging activity.
Incorporate Relaxation into Daily Routines:
Bedtime Wind-Down: Establish a calming bedtime routine that includes relaxation techniques to promote better sleep.
Stress-Relief Breaks: Encourage your child to take short breaks during homework or after school to practice relaxation.
Model Relaxation Techniques:
Lead by Example: Demonstrate how you use relaxation strategies to manage your stress, showing your child that it's a normal and helpful practice.
Share Experiences: Talk openly about how these techniques make you feel calmer and more in control.
Encourage Creative Expression:
Art and Music Therapy: Allow your child to engage in drawing, painting, or playing a musical instrument as a form of relaxation.
Nature Walks: Spend time outdoors together, observing nature mindfully to promote peace and grounding.
Addressing Common Challenges
Resistance to New Practices: If your child is hesitant, start with very short sessions (1-2 minutes) and gradually increase the time as they become more comfortable.
Maintaining Consistency: Integrate relaxation techniques into regular routines to make them a habitual part of your child's day.
Making it Age-Appropriate: Tailor the activities to suit your child's age and interests to keep them engaged.
Conclusion: Empowering Your Child Through Relaxation
By teaching your child relaxing coping strategies, you're providing them with valuable tools to navigate life's ups and downs with grace and confidence. These practices not only help them manage immediate stressors but also lay the foundation for lifelong emotional health.
Remember, every child is unique, and it may take some time to find the techniques that resonate most with them. Stay patient and supportive, celebrating small successes along the way. Your encouragement can make all the difference in helping your child develop these essential skills.
Additional Resources
For more insights and practical tips on supporting your child's emotional wellbeing, consider exploring:
Books on Mindfulness for Children: Such as “Just Breathe: Meditation, Mindfulness, Movement, and More” by Malika Chopra which is targeted towards children aged 8 to 12 years and is filled with specific exercises to help deal with day-to-day challenges. Or if you would like a book that will encourage yoga practices, consider something like “Justine and Joey at the Zoo” by Giselle Shardlow and Valerie Bouthyette which includes a list of 14 kids yoga poses and a parent-teacher guide.
Mindfulness Apps: Like "Headspace for Kids" or "Calm" (also have kid friendly components), which offer guided meditations tailored for children. Most of these apps offer a free trial period which let’s you explore this with your child before committing to a longer-term subscription.
Speak with a Child Development Coach: Book a complementary call with Aliesha Embleton to tap into her expertise and guidance for your child.
By investing time in nurturing these coping strategies, you're contributing significantly to your child's ability to handle stress, build resilience, and enjoy a healthier, happier life.
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